


Now I'll Never Let You Go If You Promise Not To Fade Away

by Lilsciencequeen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:54:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14698407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilsciencequeen/pseuds/Lilsciencequeen
Summary: “Please,” she begged, shaking her head as the tears began to fall. “Please, I can’t… I can’t lose you.” Because she couldn’t lose him, not after everything that had happened. Not after all they had gone through together. “Please, I can’t lose you.”“Jemma,” he told her, making her look him in the eyes. “I don’t want this to happen either, but I know… we know the alternative and that’s not something that we can let happen. It’s not a life that I want for her, and you know that.”





	Now I'll Never Let You Go If You Promise Not To Fade Away

“You can’t,” she whispered, breathing heavily, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. “You can’t. Please.” She had her hand wrapped around his wrist, trying to hold him close and stop him from following Daisy, from going to where the danger was.

But he shook his head, not wanting to look at her, not able to look at her because of all the pain and hurt that he was causing. “I have to, it’s the only way that I can save the world, save _you_.” He finally looked at her, offering her a watery smile at this but that didn’t do anything to settle Jemma’s nerves. In fact, it did the opposite, it only made her feel worse, adding to the twisting churning sensation that was making itself known in her stomach.

“Please,” she begged, shaking her head as the tears began to fall. “Please, I can’t… I can’t lose you.” Because she couldn’t lose him, not after everything that had happened. Not after all they had gone through together. “Please, I can’t lose you.”

“Jemma,” he told her, making her look him in the eyes. “I don’t want this to happen either, but I know… _we_ know the alternative and that’s not something that we can let happen. It’s not a life that I want for her, and you know that.”

Her.

Her daughter.

Who hadn’t even born yet but had already been born to a life of doom, a life where there was no future. Unless they changed that all. Unless they stopped the end of the world.

“But if that means losing you…” she whispered, not wanting to consider what he was saying, not wanting to lose him. But she never got a chance to finish her statement for he was speaking once again.

“If I have to die for my mom to get the best life, for her to live a life where she gets to experience the outdoors. Where she can breathe the air and smell oranges and have ice cream and see dogs and drink Zima… I’d rather have that, I’d rather my mom have that cause I know that I’ll come back into the world, one way or another. Maybe like this, maybe not. But this isn’t the end of world, cause I won’t let it happen. For you. For her.”

“Deke, please,” Jemma tried again, begging now, her voice broken, cracking under her emotions. “I can’t lose you.”

“I know,” he told her, sighing and reaching up with his hand to wipe away at her tears, her own hand dropping from his wrist now. His mind churned with the thoughts of what he needed to say next and he hated himself for what he was about to say, for what his mind had come up with but he knew that it was the only thing that he could say to get his point across to her. “But you want the best life for Fitz, your family? Your daughter?” And when she nodded, he continued once again. “Because we’re out of time Jemma, and doing this, it’s the only way to ensure that can happen. To save the world and ensure everyone gets a better life, that their families get something better than the Lighthouse because that’s… that’s not a life.” He closed his eyes, swallowed hard. “I loved getting to know you guys, spending time with you. I never thought that would happen. I get why my mom always spoke of you guys with the love that she did. I just never thought that I would get to meet you guys. And I’m sorry that it has to end like this. Just… tell my mom I love her and I did all this for her, okay?”

And before she could even get a word out, he was running off, following Daisy into the building that was already smoking, already threatening to collapse. She called out after him, going to take a few steps after him but found that she couldn’t. Arms wrapped around her waist, strong and unrelenting in their hold. Mack. His voice was something that she only heard vaguely in her struggles. “I have to,” she tried to argue, struggling to free herself from his grasp. “I have to get to him.”

“It’s too dangerous,” came Mack’s voice, the sounds finally breaking through to her. “Fitz needs you back on the Zephyr.”

“I _have_ to get to him,” she continued to argue. “He’s family. I have to!” It was in that moment that Jemma realised that she had just told Mack for the first time that Deke was their family, that he was related to them but if he thought it was odd or something unusual, then he never said. “Please. Please I can’t… I can’t lose him.” All her emotion, all her heart was going into her words but she found herself getting further and further away from where Deke was as Mack continued to drag her back.

***

It was several hours later that Daisy returned to the Zephyr, looking exhausted and weary. Her head was down and she was coated in dust, blood oozing from a cut on her forehead. And Jemma knew, she _knew_ she should tend to Daisy first, to see if she was okay but she didn’t. Instead, she rose from her seat and took one small step forward.

“Deke?” she asked, her voice nothing more than a whisper but Daisy just shook her head, not even able to say a word. But no words were needed, for the simple action was more than enough to convey what had happened.

It took seconds for Jemma to understand what had happened and once it had sunk in, everything seemed to occur in slow motion, Daisy calling her name, taking a steps towards her as the ground gave way underneath her, the cold metal of the Zephyr colliding with her knees. She felt arms wrap around her, holding her close and rocking her back and forth whilst murmuring gentle reassurances to her that it was going to be okay, that it was all going to be okay. She knew that it was Fitz who was holding her, holding her as she mourned and as she grieved but his words felt empty. Deke was gone and he was never coming back, not as she knew him anyway.

Conversations still happened around them, Daisy and Elena probably explaining Jemma’s reaction and why it was one of such heartbreak for someone they barely knew. But she didn’t care for that, for any of it. She just buried her face in Fitz’s shoulder and continued to sob, his breath warm against her neck and his hand rubbing up and down her back, trying to work out the pain and the tension. His words were lost to her as she continued to hold onto him, as she tried to come to term with what had just happened. She knew that he wouldn’t have came out of the building alive, but it still hurt. It hurt so much, and she just wanted the pain to stop. For it to all go away.

“Jemma,” Fitz whispered, his lips against her temple. It was soft and tender, something that was meant to comfort her, and she knew that he was trying, but all she wanted right now was to hide away, to grieve alone and not have to deal with anything or anyone else.

“It hurts,” she was finally able to murmur, words that only he could hear.

“What was that?”

“It hurts Fitz. It hurts so much.”

And with that, he only held her tighter, held her so close that it seemed as if he were trying to absorb all her pain and her grief and carry it himself. Then he spoke again. “Do you want to be alone? Go to one of the bunks?”

She nodded into his shoulder, a short subtle movement that only he picked up on. And then he was lifting her up in his arms, holding her close and carrying her away from all the prying eyes that there was.

***

She didn’t remember falling asleep though it must have happened sometime after he had taken her to one of the bunks that was on the Zephyr. And a good period of time must have passed since they were no longer in it, as they were now in their own bunk back at the Lighthouse.

She came too softly, waking up and for a few brief seconds, she had forgotten what had happened, and then it hit her, a wave colliding against her chest and knocking her back. But as the first sobs escaped her, she felt Fitz’s arms around her tighten, grounding her as she took wave after wave after wave. He was the only thing that was stopping her from drowning, from being swept out into the ocean, the water once again trying to claim her and take her away from everything and everyone she loved.

“I can’t keep doing this,” she whispered after a period of silence where there had been only her sobs. “I can’t keep losing family, friends. I can’t keep nearly losing you.”

She looked up at him, adjusting herself against him so that she was in a more comfortable position. “It just… it hurts and losing you… I can’t keep doing this.”

Fitz didn’t reply to her for a moment, as if he were considering something, and then he spoke again. “Jemma, do you… do you want to leave?”

“Leave?” she asked, not sure what he was even asking at this point.

“Leave S.H.I.E.L.D. Get away from here. Away from this.”

“Where would we go?” she asked, the idea sounding more and more appealing to her.

“Perthshire. We could get away from here, go there. Away from S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Would you… would you want to?” She knew that she didn’t even need to ask him what he was thinking, but she had to ask. She just had to.”

“I do. I can’t… you say you can’t lose me, but I can’t lose you Jemma. After all we’ve been through, losing you, losing our chance at a family. I can’t let that happen, I won’t let it happen. Not again.”

“Then let’s leave,” she whispered, resting her head on his chest again. “Let’s go to Perthshire.”

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly do think that Deke could die within the finale, and I do have a fic that continues on from this that should be done within the next couple of days. I wanted to get this one up before the finale. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, I hope you enjoyed!


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